Top Ten ways to avoid a divorce hangover

2. EXPLORE THE PAST IN ORDER TO LEARN FROM IT. Gain insight into your selection process, expectations of marriage, and reasons for the divorce. Ask,"what attracted me to this person?"

3. RECOGNIZE AND WORK THROUGH THE STAGES OF LOSS. Stages include: shock and denial, bargaining, depression, anger, resignation, and finally, acceptance.

4. GRIEVE THE LOSS. ALLOW YOURSELF TIME TO MOURN AND FEEL THE PAIN. Divorce is devastating and often results in major life changes. Recognize, grieve, and finally accept the losses and changes that result from divorce.

5. EXPRESS ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY, NOT DESTRUCTIVELY. Anger takes the form of revenge, rage, blame, violence, or feeling out of control. Anger keeps you stuck in the past and connected to your ex.

6. EMPOWER YOURSELF BY REGAINING CONTROL OVER THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS. Do what you need to do to regain control over your life. Get professional help, go to school, learn new skills, go to support groups, nurture yourself.

7. TURN NEGATIVE ATTITUDES INTO POSITIVE ATTITUDES. Concentrate on what you have; not on what you lost.

8. REBUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM. GET A LIFE. DO RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS. Create an atmosphere of good will and good faith. Take the high road whenever possible to increase self esteem. Hang out with healthy people and learn from them.

9. SET REALISTIC GOALS FOR YOURSELF. Decide what you want and how you will get there. Then, JUST DO IT!

10. REWARD YOURSELF THROUGHOUT THE PROCESS. Choose healthy, constructive rewards. You deserve it. Congratulate yourself for your hard work.

SHELLEE DARNELL IS A MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST IN PRIVATE PRACTICE IN IRVINE, CALIFORNIA. SHE HAS A MASTERS DEGREE IN EDUCATION FROM JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY AND A MASTERS DEGREE IN COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY FROM PEPPERDINE UNIVERSITY.

Shellee Darnell, M.F.C.C.
20 Corporate Park, Suite 215
Irvine, California 92606
(949) 261 - 8299